LAME-OH

I haven’t been to the Marketplace Mall in years. I heard they had a Curves there, and thought, hey, it’s closer than the Y, let me go check it out. Around 6 pm, I circle around to the side entrance, which is a very dimly lit, sparsely-populated parking lot. A rapist’s paradise. But I thought, hey, just park close. Then I see a wanderer drifting in from the woodsy cliff area underneath the edge of Washington Park neighborhood.

Nope, I’m parking in the front. I circle back to the front and park.

Despite the new Dollar Tree and a Dress Barn, the damn place looks like a flea market. An abandoned one at that. I check the time, weird.. only 6 p.m.

A few shoppers wandered around, but I couldn’t shake this doomsday feeling. Like we were the last people left on earth! It was so quiet except for the Flock of Seagulls playing in the background. I hang a right at the Hanes Mill Outlet, which I suspect is the main reason anyone comes to this mall anymore, that and crappy discount clothing and woven throws at Hamrick’s.

Most of the dog-leg is taken up by Dynasty Furniture and a video game area in the middle of the aisle. I pass by Curves and see a lone woman working out. Then, I see my drifter from taking a load off on a bench, scowling at me. I shift my eyes to an oversized bed frame and make a U-turn. I take another glance into Curves and casually look at the furniture as I head back to the main entrance.

No security guards in sight, dimly lit parking lot, grouchy drifters loitering, an unsecured entrance and a woman working out alone. It’s a recipe for assault, people!

As I drive off, the drifter is still there. There’s no reason this shopping center needs to exist anymore, especially if it’s going to be a creepy and lifeless free-for-all. They don’t even have the coin-operated photo booth anymore that makes your skin look like luscious alabaster. Phooey on the Marketplace.